Some thoughts about healthy boundaries, rights, & relational dynamics…breaking chains off the mind!
HOW CONTROL IS ESTABLISHED
In order to control a person or people one must first convince that person/people that they are dependant on them. Whether safety, provision, affection, or security there must first be a baseline of dependency established before control is gained. Unfortuanately there is often a “beatdown” as I call it in establishing such a dynamic. Whether a battle of the mind, wits or a physical battle, there is often an establishing of who holds the power in early stages of a relationship.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35
God desires surrender
Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. Matt. 16:24-25
Jehovah God does not seek control, He seeks willing surrender. Believers are dependant on God, their Father for many things; all of which are supplied through covenant due to love and choice. As believers choose to trust, lean, and depend upon God by faith, He meets there needs. He promises life, everlasting life for those who willingly surrender to Him. God does not force, manipulate nor control His people. God’s people should not be treated this way nor treat any other this way. Jesus is our example. Jesus complied with the laws of the land but also spoke as He heard His Father speak and did as He seen His Father do. He was neither complacent nor rebellious. He was not manipulated nor did He manipulate.
A form of ‘supply’ is always involved
Control mixed with dependency in human relationships can become very abusive. Emotional, mental, and even physical abuse can stem from a relationship dynamic where one party holds power or control over another. Withholding of love, affection, provisions, or general admiration and approval becomes a weapon of manipulation. Fear of not being accepted even in one’s family is a threat many face. In order to heal and be free of fears we must understand how to identify such cycles. Noone should have to live in an abusive relationship. Keeping in mind that we may at times overlook the bigger scope of relational dynamics in areas such as employment, church, government, ect.
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:19
God gave each person a free will, we should be a people who understands the basics of boundaries. Boundaries in relationships as well as boundaries concerning our basic human rights. God did not create puppets or robots, but rather sons and daughters. He seeks relationship not control.
Healthy and whole
Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul. 3John 1:2
Believers should be healthy in soul in order to set and recognize healthy boundaries and when they are being crossed. Our soul consists of mind, will, emotions. How we think, how we choose, how we feel is a good way to remember this. We need to be healthy enough in our soul to enforce healthy boundaries without fear. Some have not been taught healthy boundaries of their own person. I was one who did not ‘know’ that I had the right to say “no”. The Holy Spirit had to teach me many things concerning soul health and boundaries.
God heals wounds
These types of wounds create a type of soul like sickness. Eventually creating voids that set people up for easy manipulation, control, possessive behaviours and unhealthy co-dependancies. Believers in Jesus Christ should know their legal rights and be able to set and enforce healthy boundaries in love while respecting others boundaries as well. Communication is key in healthy relationships. Understanding our emotions can help us to pinpoint when boundaries are being crossed.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. Is. 53:5
As believers we want to be surrendered, yielded vessels unto the Lord believing in covenant promises while understanding that God is not going to control everything for us. We must have a voice and a healthy soul to use that voice. Even becoming vessels of honor fit for the Master’s use.
We must have a basic understanding of our rights and boundaries so that we are not controlled or manipulated into deceptions. We should be able to have a level of dependance on God and independence from man. The more we trust and rely on God while understanding our side of the covenant versus His we can trust Him fearlessly. Those who have been abused, beat down, or traumatized can be easily decieved and manipulated by those who are forceful, controlling and possessive.
We should know the basics of these types of things in order to understand dynamics relationally, even as citizens pertaining to government and as Kingdom believers pertaining to our beliefs. The King is for His Kingdom people, not against them. All of these variables in relationship dynamics must be prioritized under Jesus- He is Lord!
Romans 13:1-2 says: “Obey the government, for God is the One who has put it there. There is no government anywhere that God has not placed in power. So those who refuse to obey the law of the land are refusing to obey God, and punishment will follow.”
Confidence in Christ
When a person or a people are insecure, timid, unsure, or fearful they can become dependant upon others or a system that seems secure and fall into a trap. This is true of personal relationships as well as how we relate to systems or groups. We can be healed and be confident in who God created us to be. Understanding healthy boundaries and relationships is a part of this. Some situations require deliverance while others need healing and restoration.
The Rising Remnant
The more we can rely on God, self, and other believers the better! One Body, One Spirit, One Accord! If we slip into depending on the wrong person, people, or power we could quickly find ourselves in a trap not knowing how to think for ourselves. Not knowing how to speak or trust even ourselves.
All we like sheep have gone astray, we have turned everyone to his own way, and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.
God used the metaphor of calling believers sheep for several reasons. One of which is our tendency to follow. Another is our tendency to wander off away from the flock. God knows our tendencies best! Put a strong willed person together with a people pleaser and without healthy boundaries someone is going to shrink and whither.
Light shines in darkness
This is an hour that we must know who our GOOD SHEPHERD is. This is a time we must evaluate our understanding of who or what we are dependant on. This is a time to evaluate and take responsibility for how we want to stand in the days to come. A time where understanding our basic human rights is important and a time to seek healing if neccessary in setting our boundaries. Much is changing from day to day now and we must be a people WHO KNOW OUR GOD, WHO STAND WITH GOD, AND WHO CHOOSE TO BELIEVE GOD.
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Heb. 11:6